What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 18.06.2025 02:29
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
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His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
She found it foreign!.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
Have you ever had your crush reject you, and then later you all dated and married?
But it wasn’t much.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Hillary thinks we must censor or "we lose total control". Why does she demand total control?
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
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A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Do older men realize that younger women usually do not prefer them?
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
He resisted the act ,that day.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Why should you never do drugs? Will this story absolutely shock you?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She loved him until the end.
What do you like about McDonald's?
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
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Especially a lifetime of it.
Would this be the day?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
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Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
What is the most overrated pleasure? Why?
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
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I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
And who doesn’t know suffering?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
And i lived it daily.
It was going to be , some day.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I write beautiful poetry .
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
Im still living with it.
I waited trembling.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
I said to her
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Was to survive, this bastard.
So, i spoilt her more .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
I don,t even have a pension.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Why did i forgive my father ?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
I was very sick at this time too.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My life is so biszare .
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
I could never make a relationship work though!
Comes on , in middle age.
I was seconnd youngest,
I was scared of men, in general
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
But ive been too sick for many years..
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ive learnt so much.
I never cut or harmed myself..
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
She was in good health!
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
I will be 64.
One cannot live in the past .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
My family never makes their pension either.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We were not on the streets..
When she asked me how she looked .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I couldn’t, believe it.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
She wouldn,t have been !
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Who then, do I blame.?
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
He knew the spot.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
All the time i was locked up.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
This is soul school!.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Put me off passion for life!!
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
She married twice! .
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But, we were locked up after school.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I was 9 years of age.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
We all went to grammer schools
As i do to all so called friends.?
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
What did i know ?
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I have no regrets .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
So whats the point in blame.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.